Sunday, September 20, 2009

How do YOU find peace?

We heard some horrible news at Mass today, and it just makes my heart break. Last week we got the news that out beloved Fr. John Antony is being reassigned to St Joe's in Fayetteville...which makes me really sad. I know that they really need him, but I have become very closed to Fr. John. He has given me some wonderful advice and words of comfort.

My sweet son, Brandon, has been going through a lot. I counted it up and he has seen 7 doctors/therapists in the last 3 months. And now we are on to another. My wonderful husband is feeling the stress of being a good provider for his family.....spiritually, financially and just being able to spend quality time with our children and me. I enjoy my job, I feel appreciated there and useful. But I have really been feeling guilty lately about not being able to spend quality time with my kids. I feel that somehow I could help Brandon more if I could be there more. I feel like I need to be at the school more, as they have given our family so much. I feel like now, I am not able to spend time playing with my kids or helping them with their home work like I should, because after school we are running from Piano lessons, to therapy sessions, to allergy shots, to Ballet....then when we finally get home, I have get dinner on the table, do laundry and get uniforms ready for the next day...showers and everyone off to bed. I feel like the whole time I am spending with them is just being a zoo keeper. You know-feed the kids, bathe the kids, clean their 'cages', then all over again the next day. I know that Tim rarely gets to spend time with them, so when he does, he wants to play. I have been in the process of redoing our bedroom for at least a month. Because anytime that he is home, he wants to play not clean a closet or the garage. I totally understand that and am not blaming him for that. I just wonder how do you be a good mother, a good wife, a good christian, a good housekeeper, a good cook, a volunteer, a servant to those in need, and not be scattered all the time feeling like you are not doing any of those things like you should.

I know that being a Christian requires us to have FAITH. I know in my heart that GOD is here for me and all of us in the parish. But lately I have found myself searching even harder for God's signs for me. I sometimes wonder, how does God speak to me? You read bible storys of people who have an angel sent to them, or God speaks to them in a dream. You hear people today, saying I just pray and the answers come. Am I missing the answers??? I have been praying for several months for God to show me what His plan for me is and how I am to serve Him. I have been praying hard for my sweet children, and for my husband, for our financial debt...but I am failing to see the answers of what I need to do. I have been praying for my best friend, and her family...I know that I will not personally see the answers to those prayers, but I know that God is helping in that situation. I pray for the intentions at bible study, and I know that I will not personally see those answers, and I am ok with that. I feel blessed that I can pray for others and know that God will help them. I just wonder how do I know when God is answering me?
How do YOU find peace?

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